By Shane Rodgers
The great John Lennon observed in 1970 that “there ain’t no guru who can see through your eyes”. None of us really know what goes on in anybody else’s head. And there is a fair chance any assumptions we make will be wrong.
This is particularly so with self-confidence. For years I just assumed most people were confident and self-assured. It took a long time to realise just how many people struggle with self-belief. Often these are the best-performing people.
The trouble is most of us do not really know how we are perceived by others (unless someone we trust actually takes the time to tell us).
None of us really know whether the reaction of our brain to a task is the same as the reaction of others. If you read the biographies of the world’s great achievers, almost all of them have times when they doubt their abilities and feel like a fraud in whatever they are doing.
Renowned American author John Steinbeck was one. “I am not a writer,” he said in 1938. “I’ve been fooling myself and other people.” There are similar reflections in the public realm from John F Kennedy, Abraham Lincoln, Robbie Williams, Steven Spielberg and even the great Leonardo da Vinci (who questioned whether he had contributed anything of value to the world).
Self-belief is such a personal thing, and we are all wired differently. But, based on my observations of people who have overcome chronic self-doubt, the following are a few things that seem to work.
Develop a super-confidence mode
This is just a mindset thing. If you learn to psyche yourself into a highly confident mode it can work remarkably well. Even just saying “I’m going to totally nail this” over and over in your head can move your mind to a state of positivity. You just have to do it proactively, particularly if you find yourself drifting into doubt. It is hard to just chip away at doubt. It is much easier to try to blast it away.
Do not compare yourself to anybody else
Most people fall into the trap of always comparing themselves with others. And plenty of people are really hard on themselves. You can only ever be as good as you can be. It is pointless comparing yourself to the performance or methods of someone else. Great athletes can have completely different styles but still produce similar level performances. It is okay to have your own way of doing things. There are many different ways to approach a task. You just need to find the way that works for you.
Do not wait for feedback
If you are doubting your abilities, just ask your boss, supervisor or a peer to give you some honest feedback on how you are performing and how you are perceived. Most people will tell you and be quite happy to. You might be surprised how positively you are perceived by others. And when they tell you, you will feel your confidence soar.
In fact, while you are at it, why don’t you just tell somebody else what a great job they are doing? You can pretty much guarantee that plenty of people sitting around you are doubting their abilities. You can easily make their day with a bit of positive, honest feedback.
Shane Rodgers is the author of Worknado – Reimagining the way you work to live.
